Woman #1: We went shopping at the mall yesterday.
Woman #2: Was it nice?
Woman #1: It was great! Everything was decorated and there were tons of lights everywhere ... the kids were absolutely memorized...
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Other interesting characters I encountered:
The instructor who is quite nice but loves to tell us to "squeeze our buns" and "bring our navels to our spines." Um. Is the latter physically possible? Also, she must have been nibbling on corpses or horse shit yesterday because I passed her in the pool and asked a question only to have the answer return on a waft of the worst dragon breath I have ever encountered. Swim away, swim away!
Superior Aqua Champion Floaty Man, who doesn't do laps or water aerobics to exercise. Instead, he straps weights to his ankles and wrists, along with four flotation devices and a floaty belt around his waist, and dons his goggles and then he spends 30 minutes thrashing -- LITERALLY -- in the shallow end of the pool. He seriously looks like he's drowning. I'm glad that he found an exercise that works for him because he also provides amusement for me. I'm also glad he wears swim trunks, even though they appear to be about a foot too long for him. Some nights the Speedo Mafia prowls around the pool and yech. No one should be allowed to wear a Speedo. NO. ONE.
The Maybelline Maven, a.k.a. Cleopatra, a woman I had not previously encountered at water aerobics. I'm not sure it's legal to wear as much pancake makeup as she had on. My God, lady, are you covering some kind of gaping facial wound or trying to win an Oscar for Best Makeup? Read: She was rockin' the Cleopatra eyes and jet black hair (why does dyed black hair look odd and sorta shiny but flat at the same time?) and absolutely no lipstick, so basically her face disappeared after her nose. The word disconcerting came to mind.
Psychotic Whiny Gym Rat Lady loudly announced, as she was getting out of the pool, that she hoped she didn't flash anyone because her suit was old and getting thin. Is there any clearer way for a person to say, "LOOK AT MY ASS! I'M GETTING OUT OF THE POOL, SO QUICK, EVERYONE LOOK AT MY TINY, TINY ASS!" As you can guess, no one cared. She passed me on the pool deck muttering something about Santa hopefully bringing her a new suit. You know what? I'm fat, it's Christmas, here's $40, see you next week with your ass covered.
Random Girl in a Shocking T-Shirt: The words read, "Are you in yet?" Sure, it could've been some kicky slogan for a hip members-only sort of deal but something tells me I was giving the shirt -- or its owner -- too much credit.
The instructor who is quite nice but loves to tell us to "squeeze our buns" and "bring our navels to our spines." Um. Is the latter physically possible? Also, she must have been nibbling on corpses or horse shit yesterday because I passed her in the pool and asked a question only to have the answer return on a waft of the worst dragon breath I have ever encountered. Swim away, swim away!
Superior Aqua Champion Floaty Man, who doesn't do laps or water aerobics to exercise. Instead, he straps weights to his ankles and wrists, along with four flotation devices and a floaty belt around his waist, and dons his goggles and then he spends 30 minutes thrashing -- LITERALLY -- in the shallow end of the pool. He seriously looks like he's drowning. I'm glad that he found an exercise that works for him because he also provides amusement for me. I'm also glad he wears swim trunks, even though they appear to be about a foot too long for him. Some nights the Speedo Mafia prowls around the pool and yech. No one should be allowed to wear a Speedo. NO. ONE.
The Maybelline Maven, a.k.a. Cleopatra, a woman I had not previously encountered at water aerobics. I'm not sure it's legal to wear as much pancake makeup as she had on. My God, lady, are you covering some kind of gaping facial wound or trying to win an Oscar for Best Makeup? Read: She was rockin' the Cleopatra eyes and jet black hair (why does dyed black hair look odd and sorta shiny but flat at the same time?) and absolutely no lipstick, so basically her face disappeared after her nose. The word disconcerting came to mind.
Psychotic Whiny Gym Rat Lady loudly announced, as she was getting out of the pool, that she hoped she didn't flash anyone because her suit was old and getting thin. Is there any clearer way for a person to say, "LOOK AT MY ASS! I'M GETTING OUT OF THE POOL, SO QUICK, EVERYONE LOOK AT MY TINY, TINY ASS!" As you can guess, no one cared. She passed me on the pool deck muttering something about Santa hopefully bringing her a new suit. You know what? I'm fat, it's Christmas, here's $40, see you next week with your ass covered.
Random Girl in a Shocking T-Shirt: The words read, "Are you in yet?" Sure, it could've been some kicky slogan for a hip members-only sort of deal but something tells me I was giving the shirt -- or its owner -- too much credit.
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