By the way, your clothes are ugly, you smell funny, and you're really rather boring

This morning, King V and I attended a meeting with a client who said they're disappointed we haven't been more creative with the redesign of their printed materials.

The printed materials I've been in charge of designing.

Stab.

Through my wounded little amateur designer's heart.

Okay.

I hear you.

But this is the first time I've heard you express disappointment.

Today.

Right now.

With witnesses.

Even though we've been working together since October.

Pause.

Okay.

So ...

... every time I've been in communication with your office staff ...

...which is several times a week ...

... and we're several steps down the line on this apparently poorly redesigned product...

...you've hated what I've done.

I see.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, exactly.

One of your staff members did "compliment" me on the redesign by letting me know "only a few people complained!"

Okay.

Hang on.

I need to unhinge my jaw before my teeth break.

By the way, my dentist wants to know if I'm under any stress.

Something about clenched teeth.

Let me tell you a story. Then maybe you'll understand why this news irritates me more than it typically might.

A couple years ago, I dated a woman whom I called my boo.

It's a term of endearment, for those of you who don't know.

Thanks, boo!

Aw ... my boo.

Sweet boo ...

Thanks for the ice cream, boo.

We dated for four months.

Long explanation aside, we weren't meant to be.

The night we broke up, I found out she hated when I called her boo.

Hated it.

Like the passion-of-a-thousand-fiery-suns hated it.

Blink.

Blink blink.

Rubs chin and hand over mouth repeatedly.

Try not to scream.

Do you understand ...

...that if you would have said something ...

...FOUR ... MONTHS ... AGO ...

... that I would have stopped?

You? Boo no longer.

Seriously.

No boo.

Boo gone.

Boo who?

Sigh.

Now we're breaking up and on top of feeling like shit that this relationship isn't working and I've lost myself during the past four months blah blah blah journaling crying therapy, I have to apologize for something I shouldn't have to apologize for.

Let's just say I have a couple issues now with people who don't communicate.

For the client, I am literally going back to the drawing board.

Well, if by drawing board I mean Microsoft Publisher with new fonts and ideas and pictures, which I do.

Maybe I should take my dentist's advice and invest in that mouth guard he recommended.