It's Spanish for 'marshmallow mattress'

"La Quinta: Spanish for 'free, high-speed Internet."

Um, no.

Look.

I don't even speak Spanish and I'm irritated by that slogan.

La Quinta is Spanish for "the villa." Okay, it's dull, but it's not as bad as cheesy "free Internet" or "our rooms are cheap" or "the floors aren't too stained" Spanglish that's splattered across billboards everywhere.

Despite my grumbling, I've booked a two-night stay there for a trip in a few weeks. Oh yes. Out of town. Again. I might only be going to Michigan and Ohio, but I'm still packing my bags and hitting the road. Maybe I'll have my car cleaned out from last week's trip by then. Maybe.

The first time I stayed at The Free, High-Speed Internet, the bed was fluffy and white and was so soft I felt like I was sleeping on a marshmallow. Loved it.

The second time I stayed there, I had my own room and a king-size bed. It was freakin' heaven. Because I was rooming alone, was feeling amorous, and am an adult, I was going to rent porn my second night there, but quickly found out I had to go to the front desk and put down a $20 deposit. I was far too lazy to leave my room for such a task, so I went porn-free (let's all sing it together: porrrrn freee) that night. I might have been in an altered state and too gribfrazzled to move. Might.

Anyway, I once again have my own room and now that I know about the porn fee (porrrrn feee), I might just plop down a deposit when I check in and am NOT too gribfrazzled to move. Might.