What it feels like to be a buoy

This is you in water aerobics

You're bobbing in the deep end, hands out of the water, using one leg to drag yourself from one side of the pool to the other. No, not the long, Olympic lap way. The short width of the pool, made even shorter by the fact that two lanes are roped off for the class where adults learn to swim, grown men and women clinging perilously to kickboards, clearly terrified. They swim with their faces under water for 10 seconds, splashing and kicking, making no progress. Hmm. Sounds familiar.

Your eyes fixate on the various forms of ocean life that have been painted on the walls and notice that despite your mad kicking, you're still between e's on the cute cartoon picture of an EEL.

Kick, kick, kick.

Bob, bob, bob.

Kick harder, kick harder, kick harder.

E-E----

Nope.

Frustrated, you plunk your hands below the surface and pull.

E------------|

(The beginning of the L.)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This is the sound of blood rushing in your head.

This is your life flashing before your eyes.

Well, no. That will come later when you do ab crunches and with every motion, inadvertently swallow some pool water. (Bleeaaargh!)

Back to bobbing.

Eventually you reach the side of the pool.

"Now turn around and do it the other way!" the instructor gleefully cries.

Fuck.