Maxine Dangerous: Clay smoosher, horse racer, pencil grabber

*H*A*P*P*Y* M*O*N*D*A*Y*

(I decided to try optimism rather than doom-and-gloom that lo, another week has begun. We'll see how long it lasts.)

I'm supposed to run errands and I don't want to go outside, so I thought I'd blog and kill a few more minutes inside where it's warm and I don't have to wear shoes.

Weekend recap

Overall: Nice enough, but both too fast and too slow, which made things weird. The intense cold, rain, and wind didn't help. My brain got scrambled every time I was outside. I am ready now to be in Costa Rica with my folks, those tropical destination bastards.

On Friday, I hung out with Venus and smooshed various shades of Sculpey into beads that we baked in the oven for a little while. Had my creativity not been eaten up by end-of-the-week exhaustion, I might have a picture to show you of the neat necklace or bracelet I'd made. In its place, here's a key chain I made out of blue and green beads after setting aside the Sculpey pieces. The silver piece in the middle that you can't make out is a flower. The bright spot to the left is from my desk lamp, not the sun.




The beads I made out of Sculpey are being babysat at Venus' house until we get together again for craft fun, which will probably take place next to never after you read the following. I tried to help clean up beads before I left on Friday and grabbed one of the bead containers' clear plastic lids to snap it back on an open container of beads. Unfortunately, the bead lid I grabbed was still attached to an open container of beads and a KISHHHHHH rattle rattle rattle later, the hardwood floors and I were covered in the world's tiniest (but prettiest!) beads. Venus tried to pretend she wasn't going to murder me as she scooted around on her hands and knees picking up miniscule beads -- with her healing, post-LASIK surgery eyes -- to prevent her toddler and cats from a choking hazard. *forehead smack* Every time I moved, I dropped more beads from somewhere on my person and profuse apologies later, I ran away from the house of Look, Mommy, Pretty Crunchy Candy! Tiny beads + not enough adult supervision = rut roh.

I slept like crap overnight on Friday and made up for it by napping away Saturday. Around 9:30 PM, when I'm usually settling in for the night because I have decided that I am apparently 84 and not 34, I went to the straight bar to meet Vanessa and her crew for fun in the arcade. I'd forgotten how busy it gets in downtown River City on a Saturday night. Luckily, I was able to park about two blocks away and made it to the bar before everyone else. Ah, cell phone, you are my friend. I found out where Vanessa and her peeps were ("Parking!") and spent the next few minutes chatting via text with a Michfest friend about scary outfits I saw in the bar. Read: Shiny, spandex, grey leggings. Tight (especially across her ass) bright yellow, cap sleeve shirt, made of same shiny/stretchy material. Brown wedge pump heels. White sleeveless sweater/jacket with furry collar. Big, wooden beads straight out of the '80s. Seriously? These things all belong together? I know that we've established that I'm not a fashionista, but seriously? She looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn, I look GOOD! Time to leave the house!"

After Vanessa and company showed up, we had some cake (mmm, cake) as we were commemorating Vanessa's 40th birthday. A short while later, I joined Vanessa's siblings at an electronic horse racing game where my trusty steed, Musket, and I consistently lost race after race. (I didn't like to whip the horse. I don't care if she's not real.) We did come in second once and that was very exciting.

I again slept like crap overnight on Saturday and spent a chunk of Sunday sleeping. I did get just a bit of cleaning/reorganizing done before I jaunted off to the royals' house to pick up the papers and make sure the ice cream and cable TV were safe everything with the house was copacetic. I hung out to watch Tin Man, which was cute.

Lest the saying "third time's a charm" be put to shame, I tossed and turned overnight on Sunday and contemplated texting people at 4:30 AM to see if they were awake too. (Probably not.) After puttering around for a few minutes, I got back in bed and heard the strangest noise.

sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter
sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter
sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter

Will.Not.Freak.Out.Will.Not.Freak.Out.

Figuring the cats were doing something I couldn't see, I said into the darkness, "What are you doing?" only to hear the sound stop ... and then ...

sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter
sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter
sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter

I.Am.Beginning.To.Freak.The.Fuck.Out.

Louder this time, I said, "What are you doing?" and began to wonder if I was not, in fact, addressing an invisible George or Gizmo but an opossum who had found its way into the house through the basement and inside through the basement door I leave open for George. That, or a serial killer who was hiding in my bedroom. Did I mention that I made the mistake of watching Law & Order before Tin Man came on?

sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter
sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter
sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter clatter

It's.Time.To.Reach.Out.And.Touch.Someone.

I thrust out a hand in the direction of the noise, knowing I was going to jump up and start screaming like a 12-year-old girl at a Hannah Montana concert if I encountered anything non-soft-and-cat-fuzzy.

*grab*

Ah, soft fur. Attached to a cat. *whew* But the cat is resisting me. Huh?

sssssssssssssssscrape clatter clatter *grab* clatt--- *meow!*

"What the fuck are you doing?" *touches floor*

Oh. My. God.

You're chasing.

A pencil.

Next to my head.

At 4:30 AM.

*palpitate palpitate*

George and I played with the pencil for a few minutes (she's fascinated with them for some reason and will maniacally swat at them when waved in front of her and WTF, I was awake anyway) and when I managed to distract her, I shoved the pencil under my mattress where it could not terrorize me any more. Damn you, graphite sticks of Hades!

Sigh. The inevitable has occurred. It is time to abandon my warm office for the cold world outside. I leave you with the ultimate in kitty relaxation from a more serene moment in the weekend: