100 New Things

See my first 100 Things here.

1. Rattan, yes. Wicker, never.

2. I got my nose pierced about two months ago.

3. I am beginning to loathe sock wearing.

4. My favorite TV show is Monk.

5. I like slightly-diluted apple juice.

6. I’m a fan of old jokes and puns. I get it from my father, who got it from his father. No clue who Grandpa got it from because according to Dad, my great-grandpa was a dick.

7. I long to own white bed sheets with little, tiny purple flowers on them.

8. I have a hard time buying stuff for myself and my home. I guess I believe I don’t deserve it and that my bills (which never cease to come in, mind you) must ALL be paid before I can buy myself something.

9. I have in mind my fifth tattoo. It’s the Chinese symbol for chi (energy / life force). I don’t know yet when I’m going to get it done.

10. I’m a big fan of celestial things, but the sun and moon faces can’t look scary.

11. I love looking through catalogs of home furnishings, especially Restoration Hardware and Crate & Barrel.

12. I am developing a newfound interest in the color pink.

13. When I was a teenager, I wore – and loved – perfumes like Love’s Baby Soft and Wind Song.

14. After living in my current apartment for almost a year, I have finally arranged the living room in a fashion that feels like home to me.

15. If there was a list of Cutest Things Ever, the Top 10 would have to include when cats lick their paws and then wash their heads. The lick- duck head- lick motion kills me.

16. The perverse part of my personality enjoys the fact that you are now thinking about licking a duck’s head.

17. I would like my next car to be a Toyota Camry. I’ve had good luck with those.

18. I recently ate a meal of roasted-garlic-and-olive-oil-flavored couscous, a side of corn, and sardines for my ‘entrée.’ Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

19. I own and love my Downy ball. I had never heard of them until about 10 years ago.

20. I need my own personal Web geek because I could certainly read about webpages and design and HTML and code and servers and Javascript but I kinda don’t want to. You do it. I’ll be over here, writing poetry that doesn’t rhyme.

21. Mercedes Ruehl is dead sexy. I love love loved it when she was on Frasier.

22. I’ve had surgery twice, both as an outpatient.

23. I’m not watching much TV anymore and I don’t really miss it, which still floors me. I would not be able to say the same thing about the Internet.

24. “Excessive” and incorrect “use” of “quotation” marks “gets” on my “nerves.” Same, thing goe’s for, comma, splice’s and mis’us’e of, apos’trophes’.
25. I think I would make a good evil overlord. Okay, I’d rather use my power for good than evil. But evil overlord would look bitchin’ on a resume.
26. I have a deep affection for thick, black garbage bags. Not necessarily for cleaning, though.

27. I have a thing for accessories but not their actual use. I want multicolored mixing bowls but I don’t want to cook. I want lemon-scented cleansers and Orange Clean (Kleen?) and that calcium-lime-rust stuff, but I usually have a water-spotted bathroom mirror and trash patiently waiting on the back porch to be taken to the dumpster. I want lots and lots of pretty earrings, but almost never wear jewelry. Weird.

28. I once had to write "staple puller outer" on my office supply shopping list because the word "remover" had completely left my brain.

29. I used to want to have kids desperately and now I'm starting to think I might not have kids and the thought doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Not sure why.

30. I took a picture of my boob with my cell phone a few months ago and used it as the main page photo on my phone for awhile.

31. I often think about getting married and what my wedding dress will look like. Generally it's some kind of really pretty pale pastel and I'm barefoot and my hair is all ringlet-y and I'm so so happy and I imagine the romantic first song that my partnerwifesignificantother will dance to. (It changes pretty often.) The woman I'm marrying? The guests? The reception? When this is all supposed to happen? Dunno.

32. I have finally accepted that I really don’t like gorgonzola cheese and no amount of trying it is going to change that.

33. The music to “Peter and the Wolf” scares the everlovin’ crap out of me, the bucket/water scene in “Fantasia” freaks me the fuck out, and “Puff the Magic Dragon” can still make me cry.

34. Musicals freak me out because it’s unnatural for people to spontaneously burst into song.

35. I cannot wear footie jammies because I don’t like having hot feet. My feet and hands cannot be trapped when I’m sleeping. It’s some duvet-related form of claustrophobia, I think.

36. My favorite chapstick in the world is Herbal Elements by Blistex. It’s soft and thick and luscious and wonderful and apparently NO LONGER AVAILABLE IN MY STATE. But my blog friend Meg hooked me up awhile back and made me very, very happy.

37. One of the best birthday celebrations I ever had was a small get-together with friends that featured an international foods pitch-in dinner.

38. I don’t understand how people can’t “believe” in homosexuality. It’s not like we’re unicorns.

39. I’ve signed up for a desktop publishing course and I’m looking forward to learning about Illustrator and InDesign and all those programs I’ve heard about but don’t yet know how to use.

40. Sometimes I zone out so hard that I should probably be surrounded by orange pile-on cones for the protection of others.

41. Pink Starburst are my favorite flavor. I only like original flavor Starburst. The other flavors are just weird. I also like orange Starburst. And yellow ones. Okay, I like them all. Well. Except red ones. But I’ll still eat them.

42. I think Bluetooth phone thingies make people look like cyborgs.

43. I love sarcasm.

44. I like to play “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” on my cell phone before I go to bed. Before the game starts, it reminds players that no actual monies are rewarded for winning. Der!

45. I hate doing my taxes. HAAATE.

46. I think about my brother all the freakin’ time. He lives across the country and I miss him sooooo much. I call him Patrickbabyboy, which is a nod to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Yeah, I don't know either.

47. I once wrote a paper in which I said something “peaked” my interest and ever since, I have cursed The Rampant Sneak Attack of the Homonyms.

48. When I was a teenager, the family cat came trotting up to the front door with something in her mouth. I quickly realized it was a live chipmunk. I swatted the cat, the chipmunk dropped, threw me a thumbs up, said thanks, and took off. The cat took off after it. Moments later, the cat returned, same chipmunk in its mouth. I swatted the cat, the chipmunk dropped, glared at me, said, “HOLD THE FUCKING CAT,” and it took off. Probably to attend a PTSD recovery group.

49. I am compelled to say “Meep meep!” when I see tiny cars because, of course, “meep meep” is the sound that all tiny car horns make. This noise works best when directed towards the Ford Aspire (where the game originated), the Toyota Yaris, the Honda Fit, and the Toyota Prius.

50. I have taken to calling France “The France.” You know. Like “The Netherlands.”

51. The series finale of Six Feet Under has made me bawl both times I watched it. Like that scary not-breathing-but-simultaneously-hiccuping hysterical crying that's sooooo sexy.

52. Nag Champa is my favorite incense.

53. A friend recently turned me onto the breve no-water chai tea latte at Starbucks. Good God, best.drink.ever.

54. I hereby proclaim my love for elephants, cows, pigs, and whales. I never wanted to admit it before because of the whole fat slur thing, ut ohmigoddess, cartoon renditions of all four make me squeal.

55. It bugs me when there are an uneven number of email messages in my inbox.

56. I often think about making mixed CDs with themes like fire/water/air/earth/center (for myself and other Wiccans I know) and other CDs, like “cool songs I like that you might not have already heard.” But the only song I’ve thought of for the former is Peter Gabriel’s “Digging in the Dirt” and I just never get around to the whole CD making process. I don’t know why really because I think it would be a lot of fun.

57. I am not a good skier. I always crisscrossed my skis when I needed to stop and I would panic because I wasn’t slowing down. The last ski trip I went on (Goddess please let it have been my last), I just fell over whenever I needed to stop. My friends thought I was crazy and made fun of me, but I stopped, now didn’t I?

58. I went out drinking with my dormmates the first night at ‘residential’ college (having graduated from a commuter school) and rode in the back of a U-Haul with about eight other people to get to the bar.

59. Based on that experience, I thought college away from home was going to rule. I have never been so wrong about anything in my life.

60. I don’t see what’s so damn special about Indian food.

61. I often think about hiring someone to change the cat litter for me.

62. I used to love black cherry candles. Now the smell is far too strong for me. I really like the Sonoma Pear candles that Target makes. Mmmmm.

63. I was deathly afraid of dogs when I was a kid. I was also chased and bit by a dog named Lobo (Spanish for ‘wolf’). Good times. Really. Chicks dig scars, right?

64. I’d probably make a bitchin’ gardener if I didn’t dislike worms so much.

65. I was a pogo stick aficionado when I was a kid. Same thing for jacks. Now I can’t even hold the jacks and the ball in the same hand.

66. When I was a kid, I used to say “dee-ah-knee” instead of “deodorant.” I have no idea why.

67. I came out of the closet to myself as bi-curious when I was 17, bisexual when I was 19, and lesbian when I was about 23. I officially came out to my parents when I was 25, but I don't think they were too surprised. They’d already gone to dinner with me and a woman I was seeing. Don’t ask. Officially coming out made sense at the time.

68. I have owned four used cars: a white Ford Taurus, a dark blue boxy Camry, a maroon Nissan Maxima (a.k.a. the Lesbomobile), and now a silver 'bubble' Camry (a.k.a. SuperCar). I lurrrrve my current car so much that I want another Camry when SuperCar goes to The Automobile Dealership in the Sky.

69. I love, love, love, LOVE to drive. Road trips = orgasmic.

70. Despite the evidence of my desire for a brand-spankin' new car, I wouldn’t have a problem owning another used car. I’ve had fairly decent luck. Hell, I’d probably still have that boxy little Camry had the accident not occurred. Okay, maybe not. That car would be 15 or 16 years old by now. But you get the point.

71. I recently decided I want to go to Morocco and Ghana, in addition to Spain, Italy, and Greece. And Turkey.

72. I am a devotee of prescription sunglasses. Welcome to the Cult of Those No Longer Blinded by the Sun. Have some Kool-Aid.

73. I think regular Coke is disgusting.

74. I used to want to name my future son Austin and then found out his namesake (my great grandfather, whom I never met) was a bastard. And then I wanted to name my son Malachi and found out that’s the name of the lead scary kid in Children of the Corn. I’m not very good at choosing names, apparently.

75. I had a huge crush on Janet Jackson in her video for “The Pleasure Principle.” Still do, actually.

76. I liked a lot of famous people way, way more before the media and their publicists (or whomever) hypersexualized them. People that come leaping to mind are Janet Jackson and Mariah Carey.

77. At one time in my life, I was considered a social butterfly. After I started working on myself in therapy, that changed and I became much more of an introvert. I’m still an extrovert to a degree, but my inherent shyness makes it difficult to be in crowds or out with large groups of people.

78. I function best when I’m around no more than six to eight people in a private setting.

79. I think I would make an excellent professional driver on a closed course. Who do I call about setting that up?

80. Sallie Mae totally owns me. I feel I shall never escape from under the thumb of their oppressive student loan debt. How much do kidneys go for on the black market?

81. My greatest fear is not that I will die alone. My greatest fear is that I will die alone and my cats will eat me.

82. I don’t want to die anytime soon, but I’m really anxious to see what the afterlife is like.

83. I wear earplugs when I sleep. Occasionally I wake up in the middle of the night to find that I’ve taken one out of my ear and I’m holding it. I’m apparently not awake enough when I realize this to put the earplug back in my ear. Sometimes I wake up in the morning with the earplug stuck to my person from sleeping on it. Once I woke up and found the earplug in my bellybutton. You know. Safe keeping.

84. I believe in past lives.

85. I have never broken a bone. *knock on wood*

86. I love the word panties.

87. I think some women use makeup like a weapon. Their battle cry? MAYBELLINE!!!

88. I am a person who believes that instant gratification takes too long.

89. I cannot stand people who eat with their mouths open.

90. Siamese cats have freaked me out ever since I saw Lady and the Tramp.

91. I used to be a big ol’ fan of sugar and now eating too much of it makes my stomach hurt.

92. I’ve come around to liking orange juice. I used to pretty much hate it.

93. I never used to get cold, it seemed, and now I often get chilly enough to require The Ubiquitous White Cardigan Sweater Seen Draped Across the Backs of Office Chairs.

94. I reserve great affection for Sharpies of all colors.

95. Sugar or no sugar, grapefruit is the work of Satan.

96. I often make coffee and then forget to drink it.

97. I prefer to write with blue pens when I’m at work.

98. Tetris frustrates the crap out of me.

99. I love to swim and explore the deep end of the pool. A sufficient deep end is at least 12' deep.

100. 99 percent of the time, I am barefoot at home. Socks are a rarity (see #3), even if my feet are cold. (Helloooo, that’s what blankets and martyrdom are for!) I only wear shoes if I’m getting ready to take out the trash, go down to the icky basement whose floor shall NEVAH touch my bare foots, or I just got a splinter wedged in my heel. Fun!