Adventures in license renewal

Oh joy, oh rapture, I got to go to the license branch today to renew my driver's license.

I tried to go yesterday, but all the branches were closed. Great.

I went on my lunch hour. Mistaaaaake.

I didn't take a book with me. Mistake #2.

Clerk #1: Very friendly, cute (for a boy), helpful, non-surly.

Me: I need to renew my license and change my address. It's currently 456 Alphabet Street and it should be 123 Main Street. Here's proof that I don't live in my car. ::hands over car registration::

Clerk #1: ::tap tap tap:: ::smiles:: Okay, you can have a seat and they'll call your name.

Me: About how long?

C1: 40-50 minutes.

-groan-

25 blessed minutes later, Clerk #2 calls my name. Score!

C2: Is your address still 123 Main Street?

Me: Considering that I've only lived there half an hour according to your records, let's go with yes. Yes.

C2: ::tap tap tap:: ::silence:: ::stares at computer:: ::tap tap tap tap:: ::silence:: ::looks around::

Me: ::looks around, wondering if it would be okay to resume playing Scrabble on cell phone::

C2: ::finally prints out and hands over a receipt:: Go down the hall to get your picture taken.

Me: ::considers saying something sarcastic about the definition of streamline but decides instead to think comment very loudly::

Clerk #3 to woman in picture line ahead of me: Are you here to get your picture tooken?

I swear I'm not making this up.

C3: ::takes my picture, tells me to sit and wait again while picture prints::


Ten minutes pass. My Scrabble score sucks butt.

C3: ::calls out some heinous and incorrect version of my name::

Me: ::stands up anyway, used to having name butchered::

C3: ::giggles:: I don't know how to pronounce your name. Here you go.

M: ::ignores idiot, looks down:: Picture is overexposed (fine, whatever, let's just leave) but address still reads 456 Alphabet Street. My address is wrong.

C3: You have to go back to the other room and tell them.

M: ::ears begin to bleed::

Room #2 smells inexplicably like sweat and onions. I think most people in the building are probably fugitives and I'm waiting for someone to snap and take an innocent bystander hostage . I walk back to Room #1 and get in the now-very-long line.

Me to C1: Address wrong fix it please God I want to get out of here now I give you money please sir my ears are bleeding from overexposure to stupidity and ennui.

C1 confers with C2 who insists loudly that I did not update my address when I talked to her. I disassociate and look at the pretty tile on the floor.

C2 fixes error. Sends me back to Room #2 to pick up second new license. License prints again. Picture (same one) is still overexposed but address is correct. I hightail it out the door, past chainsmoking gotta-be-felons and a Jeep that has HONDURAS spelled in huge, cursive letters on the windshield. I almost back over a couple people as I leave the parking lot and break many laws as I drive back to work. As I'm leaving the license branch, I look at the clock.

It's only been an hour.