Fun with spam

Earlier today, I received an email that offered me the chance to "petrificate [my] manhood." (Needless to say, this juicy tidbit was found floating face down in my junk email folder.)

Why would one petrificate one's manhood? Does said petrification cost more or less than bronzing baby shoes? What about using The Petrificated Manhood after petrificating? Can one piddle through a petrificated pee-pee? And doesn't petrification make one's manhood really, really heavy? I would imagine carrying around the average-size Mighty Mighty Pork Sword wouldn't be a hassle, but what if said sword suddenly weighed seven pounds? Or more? My God -- a petrificated penis could weigh upwards of 20 pounds!

Maybe Petrificate, Inc. sells wheelbarrows for the carrying of the petrificated manhoodedness.

Off to perpetually ponder the petrification process out of pure puzzlement.