Time to resurrect Freud

Disclaimer: This post talks about penises at length. (The puns amuse me so!) I just wanted to let you know so that you wouldn't get mad or grossed out and could choose to skip this post if you so desired. Here goes.

You know those phrases you say during the day that take you completely by surprise, e.g., "I don't want to be turned into a penis!"? Never in a million years do you think you'll ever say those words and yet, there you are at 8:34 AM -- okay, there I am at 8:34 AM -- saying outloud as I read, "I don't want to be turned into a penis." So that this will make sense, you must look up Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach and read the first few pages of her book. I'll warn you: it's a little jaw-dropping, but is proving, just a few pages in, to be a fascinating read. The penis comment will make sense after you read the book excerpt.

Speaking of penises (yet another surprising phrase!), I had a dream last night in which a man was walking around naked and had a penis that was so long that it was only a few inches off the ground. We're talking about a four-foot penis (at least) here, folks. I remember that it looked very odd (as a four-foot penis is wont to do) and that the man did not seem concerned that his exposed dangly parts were so close to the dirty ground. (I think he was walking around outside.) Later in the dream, he was dressed, thankfully, and I wondered where he had tucked the penis. I assumed it was down the leg of his jeans and then wondered if it was tucked in his boot. I did not envy or desire the penis; I just found it odd, semi-grotesque, and yet fascinating. It was an unattractive penis: it was reddish/purplish (a sick penis, perhaps?) and very skinny. (The drawback, one assumes, to having a four-foot penis is the potential for no girth, whatsoever.) I imagined the man getting a consultation for a penis reduction and being taken down to a 12" penis because most women he wanted to sleep with backed away screaming when they found out what he had in his Underroos. I'm guessing most persons would not want to attempt sex with a four-foot penis, and I don't want to know the persons that do.

Okay, that's a lot of penis talk for one person, especially a lesbian. Time to go research something else. Georgia O'Keefe's art, perhaps.