A la “Inside the Actors’ Studio,” I answer the questions that James Lipton asks of his guests at the end of their interview. (To your left, La Lipton.) I no longer have cable, by choice, but just realized how much I miss Bravo. *sigh* Okay, here goes:
James Lipton: What is one of your favorite words?
Me: Onomatopoeia. Even if I can’t spell it without using spell checker.
James Lipton: What is your least favorite word or phrase?
Me: Erectile dysfunction. Actually, the phrase is fine. The commercials about said affliction really bug me.
James Lipton: What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Me: Painting. A great orgasm. A good book, magazine article, or New Yorker cartoon. Crying happy they-just-realized-they’re-meant-to-be-together tears during a sappy romantic comedy. (So I’m a hopeless romantic. Blow me.) Tori Amos’ first CD. (Oh yes. I am *that* grrl.) Other really great music, like The Corrs’ first CD. Good chocolate. The list goes on.
James Lipton: What turns you off?
Me: Tom Cruise.
James Lipton: What is your favorite curse word?
Me: ‘Fuck’ and all its derivatives.
James Lipton: What sound or noise do you love?
Me: That’s a very naughty question, James.
[Lipton stammers, blushes, moves on to next question.]
James Lipton: What sound or noise do you hate?
Me: George Bush speaking.
James Lipton: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Me: Tupperware saleswoman, available only by “private consultation.” Fry cook on Venus. Drummer for a heavy metal band. Drug dealer to Hollywood’s elite (just for the gossip factor). Fluffer (lesbians only, please).
James Lipton: What profession would you not like to do?
Me: Anything involving frequent interaction with Tom Cruise.
James Lipton: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly
Gates?
Me: I’m willing to overlook everything and everyone you did in your 20s.
No comments:
Post a Comment