The S/M Cookie of Rapturous Flogging Joy™ greets you!
My goodness, but you have been a very, very bad grrl!
The presence of the SMCORFJ in your life means that you need to go on some dates. Soon. Or eat more cookies. But the SMCORFJ prefers that you date. He didn’t really mean it when he said “Eat me.”
The SMCORFJ appears to be gingerbread in nature and obnoxiously happy. He is crunchy brown, full-of-slightly-spicy-goodness, and is quite obviously a beacon of ecstasy. The SMCORFJ can teach you how to look innocent, cheerful-as-a-stewardess, and still whup an ass into shape. Believe in the SMCORFJ. He believes in you.
Be mindful of everything the SMCORFJ tells you to do, even if it involves emptying out your bank accounts and moving to the Caymans. The SMCORFJ assures you that this is not illegal, unless you are on the run from the law and have been told not to leave the country. If you are unsure if you have been labeled a flight risk, scan your memory for phrases such as “Bail is set at…” or “…his own recognizance” or “psycho killer, qu’est que c’est?” You have either been arrested, refuse to stop watching reruns of “Law and Order,” or have been listening to Talking Heads too much.
Thank you for accessing today’s Believable or Generally Useless Substance (BOGUS) Horoscope.
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