Stuck

Written back in March and never published, although I'm not sure why. Publishing now because all of this is still true, tragically, although I am getting better at embracing my bohemian lifestyle and ability to pay bills (most of them, anyway) with my freelance work.

I am stuck, once again, working for King V. Only now it's part-time, the pay is far less than when I was important full-time, one of our clients is irritating as fuck, and I don't get to complain because beggars don't get to be choosers. I expressed dissatisfaction about the neurotic client we're stuck working with and King V told me to suck it up. He claims I have a choice if I want to work with the client after his (King V's) contract expires this fall, but I don't see how it's true. King V insists I can do the work in the evenings and on the weekends and still maintain a full-time job during the day. He's desperate -- without entirely saying so -- for me to take over his business, which I don't want to do. I can understand that he doesn't want to see the business close, but there's something he's clearly not getting. I am stuck with phrases in my throat like It's time. You have to stop trying to control my life. Let go. Stop telling me what I can handle.

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I am stuck in an apartment beneath people I literally had to yell at the other night because they were tap dancing at 9 p.m. The landlord doesn't care. King V thinks I need to sit them down -- two hyperactive Gen Yers who clearly don't care how many times I complain about noise -- and have a face-to-face discussion. Hopefully King V will be just as forthcoming with the advice when he's visiting me in prison.

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I am stuck in a city with no IKEA. That's just cruel.

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I am stuck between the urge to find a "real" job and the desire to stop looking because it's clearly not going to happen and if I continue to pray/talk to the Goddess in the way I do, maybe something like freelance editing will come through, or any kind of opportunity that wouldn't be too soul sucking and would allow me to pay the bills AND eat AND buy something from Etsy every once in a while oh please oh please oh please Goddess let it happen and happen soon. I am one tired little locomotive and it's getting harder and harder to fake steam.