The coffee meeting

Earlier today, I met with the volunteer coordinator of an organization that provides after-school services for gay teens. We talked about setting up some kind of ongoing writing program that I would facilitate, something that might result in a chapbook that could be sold to benefit programs for the youth. I really wanted to wear the Dress of Unemployment -- the frock I've been sporting around the house while avoiding housecleaning -- but I put on Actual Dress Clothes. It wasn't an interview per se, but then I realized it actually was. I wouldn't have wanted to sit across from someone in a slogan-smeared T-shirt covered in cat hair, so I put on dress slacks, work shirt, and loafers and hightailed it to Starbucks.

Point #1: It's 80 degrees today with bright, boiling sunshine. I thought I, in my black pants, was going to burst into flames before I got back home to a cool and artificial breeze.

I was due to meet the coordinator at 1:00 p.m. and left the house with 15 minutes to spare. I'd been trying to make a cover letter for a job sound a lot better than it was and finally had to give up so I could get out the door in time. I raced to Starbucks, ordered a drink, and... waited.

And waited.

I decided to hold out until 1:15 p.m. before I called the rep's office. A couple minutes prior, the phone at Starbucks rang and a male barista called out my name.

Point #2: It would've been cool if Maxine Dangerous was my real name. That would've been badass to hear.

The barista said Señor Latepants would be another 10 minutes. At 1:25, he finally pulled into the parking lot. I was honestly ready to leave. I had a job to finish applying for and was tired of being in fancy clothes. Especially when I saw that he had worn wrinkled cargo shorts and sneakers to our meeting.

Point #3: I know you're the interviewer here, but... seriously. Dude.

Somehow Baron von Tardy had gotten lost, despite the fact his office was five minutes down the road. He also admitted that he regularly visited the McDonald's that was a stone's throw from the coffee shop.

Point #4: Not all people all navigational wizards. As I am. Except when I, uh, get lost in and around Chicago. But that's because I kept transcending the space/time continuum on I-90. Prince Maybe McBlowoff had no excuse.

I struggled not to say "It's okay" when he came in, pronouncing himself a spaz as he plopped down a notebook, reusable Starbucks cup, and overstuffed briefbag. And I didn't let him off the hook. I wasn't mean about it but I still didn't excuse him.

Point #5, Contextually Related: My friendship with Serena recently ended for reasons I still don't quite understand. During one of our final conversations, I said it was okay when she blew me off yet again even though it wasn't. Hence, tight smile, firm handshake, let's get down to business. I've screwing around on Facebook to get to jobs to apply for.

Chipper McFidgets and I ended up having a nice discussion about programs that the youth might be interested in, although I had my doubts when he became the Duke of ADD and answered his cell phone twice only minutes into our meeting. One call came from an out-of-town guest who was blowing him off due to car trouble.

Point #6, Also Contextually Related: One of Serena's favorite excuses when she cancelled our plans was that something was wrong with her car and that she couldn't make the 45-minute drive to River City. Funny how it worked just fine the rest of the time.

Point #7: I'm still bitter. Duh.

The second call apparently came from someone business-related, so that was fine, but the first call turned conversational quickly and Sergeant Pissmeoff told his friend that he was in a "coffee meeting" and would have to call him back.

Point #8: Let your calls go to voice mail, dick.

Point #9: A "coffee meeting"? Are your rendezvous at McDonald's considered Burger Meetings? Greasy Get-Togethers? Beef-and-Bun-Appropriation Strategy Sessions?

One good part of the meeting was getting a job lead. A local book company is apparently always hiring drones for $10/hour. I hope the look of distaste didn't cross my face because a lead is a lead. I have to accept the fact that going on unemployment means I took a big pay cut; anything more than the money I "make" now is an improvement.

Point #10: There's always prostitution.