I was reminded of this song -- Eva Cassidy singing "Songbird" -- after watching a video of her performing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on 37 Days, so I thought I would post the former song here. Unfortunately it's not a live performance like SOtR is, but lovely nonetheless:
Speaking of marriage, or lack thereof (thanks, California!), I am feeling a need to move to the West Coast to join the fight. Yes, I can fight from here, but I've been wanting to hightail it towards the Pacific for some time, so hey, two birds, etc. Last night, I set a bunch of intentions for my next job, my new city/life, and yes, even a girlfriend. I wrote down everything I could think of that I wanted (type of salary, work, living situation, woman, etc.) in black Sharpie on small red slips of paper, put all the slips in a small ceramic bowl on my altar, blessed the intentions with thanks to the Goddess and Universe, and covered the slips with a now-dead-but-still-full-of-magic leaf and small vial of earth (captured from a friend's tarp) that came home to River City from Michfest. (I know. If you're not a festie, that probably sounds like some crackpot shit, but it's a magical place and time and made the setting of my intentions feel just that much more powerful.) I took myself to bed and only realized at lunch today with friends that I had forgotten to set a time limit. So I came home, wrote out another intention/request, gently moved the leaf and soil, and placed the slip of paper among the others. Whew. All bases covered.
Should I begin to feel selfish that I am asking for so much (and yes, some of that shit was DETAILED; I asked for a girlfriend once and I got my now-ex who unfortunately brought out the worst in me), I need to remember a couple things. First, the Universe has unlimited resources (it's not like I'll be getting a call from Goddess, Inc., only to hear they're out of stock on apartments with full-size tubs, considerate neighbors, and lots of natural light). Second, this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
(From A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson)
The first time I read that it was on a flier/handout I'd gotten from a friend who must be some kind of otherworldly spirit within a human vessel. I used to catch her gazing at me while we ate lunch in some restaurant and I would ask, warily, what she was doing. Blinking at me and smiling, she would say, "Sending you light and love!" At first it was unnerving but then I really grew to like it.
Since then, I've grown to understand a lot more about intentions and energy and faith and though I'm not anywhere close to my friend's beliefs about divine grace and a bunch of other metaphysical stuff I've often written off as being far too hippy-dippy for me to even contemplate (says the girl putting her future in the hands of a dead leaf), I'm much more of a believer. I don't fear that the Universe won't provide; it always does. I fear that I am being selfish by asking for so much. But if I don't, I might end up with another girlfriend who likes to deep-fry vegetables (I really think I'm still emotionally scarred by that one) or an apartment that has a lovely view of a sewage treatment plant. I am beginning to visualize what I want and I've asked that the process of ending this chapter of my life and the beginning the next one start after I get home from Michfest (when I will likely be full to the brim of happiness and confidence anyway) and that I have tangible results (e.g., a job offer) by January 1, 2010.
Ready... set... GO.
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