My friend Phoenix brought me some books when she visited a couple weekends ago. Score.
2. Do something social once during the week.
I’m doing pretty well with this one. I've been to dinner with several different friends and only isolated one weekend this month. Nearly attacking the Chinese food delivery guy because one is so starved (ha!) for conversation is a good indicator of
3. Isolate less, especially on the weekend.
Uh. Oops. Guess I already answered this one.
4. Research cello lessons.
Not yet.
5. Paint/have painted my living room, bathroom, and kitchen.
Might be moving. So many things are up in the air right now. Finding a new job is priority #1. After that, I think I might move. Everyone loves my apartment more than I do. Maybe it’s too big. Maybe it’s too blue. Maybe it’s too cold in the living room even though I have put up plastic and blankets at the windows and have the heat on 75. Whatever the case, lots of love lost lately for my humble abode.
6. Make something on a loom.
Not yet.
7. Do something that scares the shit out of me.
When I wrote this item, I was thinking specifically of getting up on stage at some amateur comedy night and trying out a few jokes on the crowd. The thought, however, almost makes me ill – stage fright and all that. Suffice it to say that a lot of things scare the shit out of me lately. Sending my resume to 85 of my closest friends was scary. Driving to work today with windshield wipers that decided to stop working this morning was scary.
8. Take far better care of myself: Get massages, facials, pedicures; take thyroid meds and antidepressant every day; go to water aerobics on a regular basis; rejoin Weight Watchers.
I rejoined WW on January 3, I believe it was, with a couple of friends. I’m down more than five pounds, but haven’t weighed in for a couple of weeks, so I don’t know where I am now. I’m glad I don’t own a scale. I’d be driving myself crazy. Haven’t done the rest of the stuff yet.
9. Take some art classes.
Nope.
10. Find a new primary care physician.
Nope. But I'm going back to the doc I found over the summer, so that counts for something.
11. Work on issues with meds with a specialist.
I was thinking specifically of seeing a psychiatrist due to my desire to come off Effexor. I went ahead and made an appointment with the aforementioned primary care doc so that I can start weaning myself off The Expensive Bastard Pill That Killed My Social Life. Some of its side effects are alive and well in me, namely insomnia and increased anxiety. I look forward to being the person I used to be, who wasn’t literally scared at times of going to social events. (There will be people there! PEOPLE!) I’ve also basically stopped writing. I didn’t even consider that Effexor could be causing me problems; it worked really well for the first year I was on it. I’m in my second year now, if my mental calculations are correct, and would guess that the insomnia and shitty panicky feeling that pervades my being (ouch -- maybe there’s a different reason I stopped writing?) started kicking in around the two-year mark. So I see a doctor on Friday. Unfortunately, I can’t stop taking the medicine cold turkey unless I want to fall down a lot. Several months ago, while dealing with an insurance/pharmacy snafu, I had to wait about two weeks to get my prescription refilled. I experienced dizziness and double vision so bad that I got used to standing up holding onto something. Yeah, done with all that mess.
When I was still seeing Butchy McButcherson, I mentioned going off Effexor. Why keep taking an antidepressant if I'm still f'ing depressed? Her answer to a lot of the social things I wanted to get back to doing was a semi-exasperated “So just do it!” (As a friend rightly said after I told her about that, “You can’t make a water sign do anything.”) I couldn't explain the hesitation that I've gotten all too used to feeling. The spontaneous part of my personality RSVPs to social gatherings with gusto and when the day rolls around... staying at home on the couch under a blanket with cats bookending me sounds a lot less terrifying. Than going to my friends' houses and hanging out. WTF?
Another reason I stopped seeing El Butchmeister: Our dear butchy butch, a.k.a. The Princess of All Things ADD, would also barely sit still during our sessions. Oh, I’m sorry – did you need to be somewhere? No? Then stop digging through the bowl for your keys candy chapstick unscrewing and screwing back on your water cap tapping your foot running your hand through your hair crossing recrossing crossing your legs JESUS CHRIST SIT STILL!
12. Find a new job, preferably by mid-year.
Ha! When I wrote this, I didn’t know my job was soon ending. So let’s bump that up to “…preferably by mid-February.”
13. Do more yoga.
Fail. Forgot this was even on my list.
14. Blog more often.
Maybe when I get a different job and a different apartment and buy a car with windshield wipers that work and I stop being a well of depression. Right now most of my entries would read like, "My windshield wipers only make a pathetic humming/whining noise when I turn them on, which makes me cry." Yeah, that's not the kind of thing anyone wants to read on a daily basis.
15. Keep apartment cleaner.
BWHAHAHA!
No comments:
Post a Comment