WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN Wednesday: Queen Latifah

One of my unofficial resolutions/goals for this year is to invest a little more time in my blog. I passed my two-year blogiversary a couple weeks ago with little fanfare because I wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes my blog is exactly what I want it to be. The other 97 percent of the time, I wonder why my entries sound good in my head but seem dreadfully dull once I write them down. I've been chiding myself for not actually chronicling any adventures, though truth be told I don't really have many. Or maybe I need to take stories from my daily life and embellish them lie beef them up with that creative nonfiction spin. Which I wouldn't do because lying makes my skin crawl. Unless it's a white lie like "Of course I didn't use the company credit card to buy porn."  That's acceptable.

The point is I've decided to add a new feature to my blog in the hopes that at least ONE day a week I'll churn out some content that isn't waah waah woe is me working for family is so haaaaaard. Ergo, welcome to WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN Wednesday! The title is courtesy of Animal from the Muppets who utters the phrase while, ahem, pursuing a woman of interest.

So! Drumroll, please.

My inaugural W4 is ...



Dana Owens, a.k.a. Queen Latifah, a.k.a. Maxine's Pretend Girlfriend

WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN!

Latifah is unbelievably hot and talented and I have chosen to forgive her for the shitpile that was The Last Holiday. I've never listened to much of her music but I never really got into hip-hop. I do remember being impressed with her stance as a strong woman who inspired her fans. All the more reason to check out her old tunes, as well as her new, jazzier stuff.

Ms. Owens has reportedly proposed to bought a house with her girlfriend of many years but isn't out like many famous people [coughTomCruisecough]. I don't especially care at the moment because I would like her even if she were straight. I just happen to like her better knowing she's on my team because that means that she could dump her girlfriend of four years and go out with ME.

Speaking of teams, she was a power forward on her high school basketball team. Now, I don't know what that is, but thinking about Latifah in basketball shorts, tearing up the court makes me feel funny in my pants.

I do have to say that I like Latifah a little better when she's all butch and tough like this...

Sorry for the tiny pic; couldn't find a bigger photo.

...but I'm not going to kick the sistah out of bed for eating crackers, being a Cover Girl spokeswoman, or for being a Jenny Craig spokeswoman, although the latter does make me wince. And not just because I was on Jenny Craig (for a whole week!) and remember just how bad their food was. Granted, that was 15 years ago, but still. Ass doesn't ever stop tasting like ass. I just don't want her to drop to 125 pounds and cease to be a role model for healthy, plush women.



Latifah in what appears to be her Living Single days. The key is from a motorcycle she gave her older brother, Lance, who was tragically killed in a wreck on that same bike.

Tune in next week for another hot WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN! And ask the Queen if she might like to stop by my house for some cookies and lovin'. Dangerous and the Queen -- I can see it, can't you?