Update on my goals for 2007

1. Get laid.

Hmm. Not so much on the ‘team sport’ level, but I rock at solo competition. Er. Something like that. It’s not quite April. There’s still time. One thing I need to do is accept that The Date is NEVER going to be my naked squeezie toy. Yes. I got lonely. I called her. She called back a couple days later. I missed her call. I called her back. She said she was on her way out the door and could she call me back. I said sure. That was last Thursday. Learn, Max, learn.

2. Open a savings account and put some money in it.

Hmm. Not yet. I keep forgetting to set it up, honestly. I run to the bank on payday and take care of bills and fun Maxine money, but conveniently forget to set any aside for rainy days, retirement, emergency car repairs, etc. Can I just date an accountant or something and have this crap taken care of for me?

3. Make some serious progress on paying off credit card debt and student loans (#3 might cancel out #2 but they’re both important to write down).

Difficult. Both credit card debt and Sallie Mae loans are roaring lions to be tamed by a dominatrix with a gigantic bull whip and I'm Polly Sunshine in a gingham dress, holding a petunia, politely asking them to leave me alone. But Sallie Mae got a chunk of my paycheck last week, so I’m making some progress. I think.

4. Stop sleeping on a mattress on the floor like a 19-year-old in her first apartment; I’m 33 and the allure of sleeping ‘alternatively’ lost its allure a long time ago.

This is getting depressing. I’m still bed-frame-less. But my goal is to go to the furniture store on a non-rent-payday and just buy a bed. New motto: Just do it. (Note: Nike people, please don’t sue me for using your slogan. Goals 2 and 3 should prove reason enough to reconsider filing any lawsuits.)

5. Buy a “major” piece of furniture, like a squishy reading chair + ottoman. Also, buy some lamps.

Not yet. See also goals 2 and 3. Rat bastards.

6. Visit Mack Daddy Smooth.

Possibly in the fall, although a trip to Provincetown over Memorial Day (woot!) and my annual trek to the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival are going to put serious crimps in my vacation time. But I’ve told MDS that I want to visit and he said to come out anytime. Two words: long weekend.

7. Exercise more often.

Tighten hand around beer can. Lift to mouth. Lower. Loosen grip. Repeat ten times, each side.

8. Spend more time with quality friends.

YES! ACCOMPLISHED! HA! SUCK ON IT, GOAL LIST! Ahem.

9. Clean out trunk of car.

Started and then stopped. No specific reason. Just got out of the rhythm of taking a few things in every night. Will get back to it. Trunk needs to be cleaned out before I go to Michigan because I might be carpooling and will need the space for other womyn’s stuff. And bodies. Always need room for bodies.

10. Get laid.

Shut it, list.

11. Take cats to vet like responsible pet owner.

Not yet. They're still alive, though. Partial credit? Anyone? Anyone?

12. Try not to obsess about when my Real Life is going to begin and realize that I am living my Real Life and nothing is going to miraculously change like it does in the movies if I move to another city; sure, I might get An Amazing Job and meet Her and Buy a House and Really Be Happy, Truly, Truly Happy, Like Very-High-Dosage-of-Prozac Happy, but this isn’t a romantic comedy and I need to understand how blessed I am, where I am. Everything happens for a reason. There’s a good reason why I haven’t packed it all up and left for ChicagoAnnArborSanDiegoSantaFePhoenixSanFranciscoJapan. I’m supposed to be here in River City and if I’d stop hyperventilating about wanting to get out of and go to some ooh la la magical place that depression and stacks of bills and neurotic cats and their piles of cat hair can’t touch, I’d realize that.

I am succeeding admirably at doing this. I think that I will be on to the next phase of my life in two to three years (read: the moving out of state). I have little interest in being a small business owner of something that isn’t a goddess-y/witch-y/Wiccan store that sells books and candles and incense and tarot cards and crystals and all that jazz (no, not the soundtrack to Chicago). Not so much with the owner of a big business type deal sans witches and Birkenstocks and feng shui and people walking around cleaning other people's auras. Also not so much with the owner of a lonely heart. Sorry. Popped in my head. Couldn’t help it.

13. Go on some trips. Traveling will help beat back urge to pack it all up and take off in a Route 66 kind of way.

See also: Provincetown. I leapt and the lesbians net appeared.

14. Build work wardrobe.

A little. Bought some new shirts but nothing since then. I bought them on credit and don’t want to buy anything else on credit if I can help it. Hate paying for stuff eight times over.

15. Try some new stuff and not just new foods (rollerblading, maybe yes; bungee jumping, no).

Have considered learning how to ice skate. I haven’t been since high school, at which time I clung to the edge of the rink like an amoeba, made one circle around the rink, ventured away from the wall sans help and made it to the middle of the rink before I bit it.

16. Read more books.

YES!

17. Make more art.

Also yes.

18. Try being a little less scared to just write or just draw or just express self … try not to puke when remembering cheesy-but-true adage to dance like no one is watching, etc.

Getting pretty good at this, I’d say.

19. Go dancing.

Not yet. But clubs are smoky and I always leave feeling like I have to burn my clothes. And honestly, I'm out of shape since I haven't been attending water aerobics and I don't want to get on the dance floor and embarrass the shit out of myself when I start panting for breath halfway through a three-minute song.

20. Get laid.

Maxine: You mock my pain.
Goal list: Life is pain, Maxine. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

21. Buy some bedroom furniture.

Nope.

22. Buy or make or have someone make me some curtains.

Done.

23. Watch some old movies I’ve never seen like Casablanca and Some Like It Hot.

Nope. I did watch Singing in the Rain awhile back and I hadn't seen it since I was a kid, so that was fun.

24. Get massages and facials and pedicures on a more frequent basis.

See also: Lavender Toes of Joy.

25. Resume reading my work in public.

Done.

26. Believe in self a bit more.

Doing pretty okay.

27. Get laid.

Four times?!? FOUR?!?

28. Buy some rugs or hire someone to sweep my hardwood floors on an hourly basis because my GOD these floors get dusty.

Nope. Not yet. Have developed a renewed interest in purchasing a house with carpeted floors when all I really need to do is buy a dustmop. And shave the cats Jesus Christ almighty how much can TWO LITTLE CATS shed?

All in all, not too bad. Much of what I want to do requires The Moolah and I’m doing well so far to pay bills, treat myself to sushi and movies with Brent Fantastic and Casey every few weeks, and keep the cats in food and clean litter.

Overall feeling about goal accomplishment thus far: Pretty darned happy. Tallyho.