The only thing missing was a tap dancing, alcoholic unicorn with a British accent.

I'm used to having weird dreams. Last night's took the cake.

I was working for my dad but had disappeared on an errand and apparently gotten stoned and passed out outside the office for hours and tried to lie about it, but he knew I was or had been under the influence. And Jim Gaffigan had come to the office. I thought he was just hanging out, but after he left, King V told me Jim was in love with me and was upset that I didn't love him back.

Then King V needed me to type up a long report in about two minutes, but it was pages long, so there was no way it was going to get done, no matter how fast I typed.

And then three or four women and maybe a guy broke into the office. I don't remember why they were angry, but I was against a wall and I was holding my hands up and one of the women looked right at me and SHOT me. But it was a BB gun or something. It stung and I could feel the bullet underneath the surface of my skin, but it didn't bleed and I didn't die. I remember the skin around the bullet was bright red and I could see the bullet underneath my skin.

And then I was walking along one of River City's busiest streets. And then I was hiding in someone's closet, peeking out from behind the clothes and watching a very tall and very large African-American man move around his kitchen. And then one of the people who lived in the house -- a short, white woman, if memory serves -- saw me and she was very nice and gave me a paper or prescription to go down the hall and have someone help me, free of charge, and suddenly I was a patient in a psychiatric hospital and waiting in the lobby with a bunch of other patients to be taken to our rooms. Or for a tour to begin. Not sure which.

And I kept riding an elevator in the hospital that was too small for more than a couple passengers and there were snacks on the elevator. Reese cups. And I kept seeing all this goth-type people on the elevator with lots of black lipstick and heavy eyeliner.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd then the alarm went off.