Tuesday's forgotten post

Swear word of the day month: Fucknut.

Diet Sprite: It’s the clear beverage of the day.

Vegetable soup: It’s what’s for lunch.

Vegetable soup verdict: Too many peas, not enough potatoes. Yuck, peas.

I’ve decided that: I definitely need to buy some green socks.

I am eagerly awaiting: 5:15 PM because that’s when I get to leave work and go home and clean up my house that got messy in the last few days during which I did nothing but move from couch to bed to couch to kitchen to potty to couch to bed, leaving a trail of Kleenex in my wake, and ignoring the rapidly-accumulating cat hair tumbleweeds in the living room. I’ll also have the chance to do some laundry. I totally went home and lay on the couch from 6-9 PM and then went to bed at 9:15 PM. I was pooped. But I rocked the shit out of productivity on Wednesday night.

We’re looking for someone to fill an administrative assistant position. So far, I’ve received resumes from:

• Several people who are in grad school and claim they want to work as a secretary in the semester or four before they graduate with a Master’s Degree in thermonuclear braintechnochemistry with a specialty in analytic Web-based monounsaturated feesh mug finance
• People who address me by my first name in the cover letter (grrrr)
• People who address me as mister in the cover letter DESPITE my inclusion of "Ms." before my name in the job posting (Boobs! I have boobs! Read the WHOLE ad, you dipshits!)
• A gentleman who is “looking for an oppurtunity [sic] within an organization that, in which I can grow into an effective worker…”
• A woman who types fewer than 40 words a minute.

I left out the crazy woman who emailed AND faxed her resume and called me at 7 AM on Wednesday morning to talk. She's looking for a creative mentor even if we’re not hiring. 

Run. Away.