Wake up 15 minutes before you’re supposed to be at a client event. Call King V to let him know you’ll be late. Add to already-high stress level when he says, “Oh shit!” (Find out later the king was late himself and glower at him thoroughly.)
While in shower, hear hideous crash and wonder what the hell the cats knocked over this time. Discover while getting dressed (in cat-hair adorned clothes that you’re positive you JUST wore to work but you’re late and you have to leave about six minutes ago so just put something on goddamn it and why in the hell do you leave your lint brush at work) that laptop has been dragged off table and landed face down. Have no time to check and make sure it's okay. Feel confident laptop is indeed okay because it only fell about 18 inches. Vow to kill cats when you get home anyway.
Notice Psycho Killer Closet Door is once again open. Briefly consider ripping door off hinges to assuage Gizmo’s curiosity about The Camping Gear That Lurks Within.
Fly out door about 22 minutes after waking up, half-asleep and shower damp, and drive like hell to event. Break several laws.
Get called “sir” by receptionist at client event. Snarl “ma’am” to her back but fail to pierce her Geriatric Hearing Shield. Wonder what it is exactly that makes people think you’re a dude. The chick outfit? The floofy hair? The BREASTS?
Deal with passive-aggressive coworker who says things like, "If you’d been here earlier….” Move a little further away to avoid sudden throat-punching attack.
Eat glazed doughnut and feel guilty after vowing to eat better today. Having ended a holiday weekend with a McDonald’s food-a-thon, the personal knowledge that Mickey D’s is poison, and horrifying fast food facts from “Super Size Me," said consumption is (delicious but) heartbreaking. Especially because the doughnuts came from Wal-Mart, a store you have been boycotting for some time now. At least you didn't buy them.
Go to bank and have clerk mispronounce your name and not apologize when corrected. Dear clerk: Unless name on deposit slip is Jane or Sue or Mary, don’t try. And even then, Jane might be pronounced Zhane-ay. Just.don’t.try.
Think about laundry that needs to be done, groceries that need to be bought, and essentials you can’t return home without, including food for laptop-destroying cats. Whine a little on the inside because you just feel tired and dirty and gross and didn’t get your morning latte and wow, next time you program your cell phone alarm, make sure you don’t set it for 7:00 AM the day before.
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